Sunday, August 5, 2007
today has already started off amazingly. at work. i just picked up the phone and said, "Production. This is Jamie." and the person on the other end said, "Hi Wendy, is Lisa available?"....awesome.
"To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting." -e.e. cummings
it's astounding really, how difficult it is to do something as seemingly simple as be yourself. something you would think is effortless is nearly impossible. every attempt we make is met with shouts of protest. whether it's parents or bills, so many things challenge the act. for many, one of the most pervasive forms of self betrayal comes from our job. my rock star friend is an accountant. my writer friend is in medical sales. my actor friend, an office rat. myself, I have done hard time behind a bar, in a fluorescent lit cubicle, on a cruise ship, in a candy store, on a golf course, in a casino, in a toy store and in a banquet hall. I have wielded a hammer, a keyboard , a camera, a nail gun, a bottle opener, a vacuum cleaner, and a tray. I have worn hardhats and headsets and bejeweled crushed velvet gowns and fishnet tights and pleated khaki pants and polo t's and tool belts and goggles and vests and visors and nude pantyhose. I have driven boats and built trusses and sold teddy bears hugging candy canes and installed shelving and puttied holes and filed files and made spreadsheets and mixed margaritas and rolled silverware and asked too many questions about the quality of a taco bell tortilla to angry people who were too polite to hang up the phone but not to treat me like less than a human being. in the name of making ends meet, I have worn many silly hats. I have spent entirely too much time doing things I hate while the children of my dreams sat crying in dirty diapers. too many times my jobs have demanded that I neglect myself and all my ambitions.
so what is one to do? commit to their goals regardless the cost. sleep under the stars. eat soggy dumpster fare. take bird baths in gas station bathrooms. develop sores that won't go away. personally, I'm way into things like comfort and having money to see a doctor when you're sick and also having the time to write and create. it's unfortunate that the idea of having a job you love is a romantic notion rather than a reality for most people.
to not only spend your time doing what you love, but to pay your bills as well. maybe we are all getting there. I like to think that my rock star friend will soon retire her adding machine and that my writer friend will start selling her books instead of band-aids, and that my actress friend will be lit by spotlights rather than fluorescent bulbs. myself, I would love to get paid to be the best person at being myself. I've yet to meet anyone who is as gifted at being me as I am.
now if you'll excuse me, I have to lace up my gloves and get busy never stop fighting.