Tuesday, July 23, 2013

makin' stuff

I am making something. granted, we make something(s) everyday - messes, meals, mistakes, amends - all sorts of things get made in the process of living. and hooray for us! the simple act of rising out of bed each morning is a victory in and of itself. all that said, the nature of the "making" I am here to tell you about is something a bit more exciting and special than my usual daily makings.

a couple of days before I turned 33, I had a panic attack. the ceiling crumbled and the walls started marching towards each other. if you've never felt the unique and profound earthquake of a panic attack, then perhaps you don't know how absolutely convincing it can be in the moment that your world is collapsing (just me?). it's an intense moment where you are sandwiched between wanting so fully to live while feeling like you might not make it through the night. that night, amidst the chaos, I was desperately searching for something, anything, to grab onto to pull me through the abyss. and somehow, though I can't remember exactly how, I stumbled upon an old piece of short fiction I had written a few years back:

(click here if you'd like to read the piece)

I read it that night and thought, "hey, this is pretty good." I felt a rare satisfaction for all the small things I had accomplished - the stories written and never shared. and then I thought, "I want to share this one." and then in a flash a set came into view and the colors and details rushed in filling my brain. I forgot all about the panic and instead become very excited and focused on getting it all down...

and here we are, almost two months later. I've been lucky enough to bring together a bright and talented group of people willing to collaborate on realizing this vision. I'm excited and scared and overwhelmed and determined - all those feelings that come with actually doing the things you've talked about and imagined doing.

and this, my dear human reading this, is where you come in. it would mean so much if you could help us with this project. whether that means chipping in 5 bucks or 500, or simply sharing this link with anyone you think might be interested in supporting such an endeavor. kind thoughts or words are also greatly appreciated and felt. please take the time to visit our kickstarter page, we worked hard on a little stop motion video depicting a scene from the piece. enjoy :)


Erika Salcedo said...

Hi Bethany,

I am sure you get this quite often, but I wanted to let you know that I look up to you. I admire everything you do because it's always creative, but most importantly everything is heart-centered. You have such a kind heart. I am a fan of your boyfriends band, and that is actually why I started to follow you on instagram. Then I read your blog, and my gosh, you are such a beautiful soul. Inside and out. You are nothing short of amazing. and I want you to know that you are someone I look up to, even though you don't know me. You have such a creative, amiable presence. You are so deeply awesome, kind hearted, and driven. You're probably the best role model there is. Plus you have a killer sense of style (awesome style). keep doing what you're doing and know that you are inspiring others! I wish you the best of luck with your film project and everything else.

Erika S.

bethany toews said...

dearest erika,

thank you for your kind words. I am so happy to hear I inspire you and that my hope of living a heart-centered life is coming across in what I share. you sound like a lovely human and I'm glad I am someone you look up to. above all else, I hope you look up to yourself :)

much love,