we came, we saw, we ate hot dogs

Every day is a new opportunity. You can build on yesterday's success or put its failures behind and start over again. That's the way life is, with a new game every day, and that's the way baseball is.

~Bob Feller

halfway through the baseball season, I pause and reflect on my dodger's sportsfandom. I can now tell which player is which all the way from the top deck simply by reading the subtle gestures they each make. I know the people sitting behind me (tony and steve) and all about their history as dodger's fans. I know that within one game of baseball lies a metaphor for an entire lifetime - the ups and downs, the long pauses and the bursts of excitement, the devastating injuries as well as the surprising victories. I know that it can be very loud and very quiet depending on the score on the board. I know that the ice cream vendor never comes when I need him too and that one dodger dog makes me feel great and two, make me feel awful. I know that sitting between sara and jg and jumping up for joy together and giving each other sloppy high fives when our team scores a run, makes the long walk up the hill from echo park more than worth it. ultimately, I know that baseball games are about a whole lot more than just baseball and I'm glad I've discovered that whole lot more.

it only takes a sliver

it only takes a sliver to illuminate this room
but I'd gladly take more
if more were willing
~me, 8/5/2005

a sliver can hurt. a sliver can give you a glimpse into a secret world. a sliver can give you enough light to see in the dark. a sliver of glass. a sliver of light. a sliver of time. a sliver of hope. at first glance the word itself reads as the metal that forms many things, from coins to mirrors to jewelry to the processing of photographs. swap the l with the i and you have another word full of possibilities. shiny bright possibilities.

it only takes a sliver - to cut the flesh, to reveal the truth, to see the light.

I like pulling slivers out of jG's hands, such a tiny thing that can't be ignored. something unseen that causes pain. I can remove the perpetrator with the white curves of my fingernails. a simple comforting act. love is like that. taking someone's pain and disposing of it with your hands. little acts of love. enough slivers of love and we could illuminate the world. it only takes a sliver - but I'd gladly take more, if more were willing.

for more musings on slivers, read my short short story sliver.

quitting is cool

Quit Your Job Advice Show from kayekilla on Vimeo.

I'm a quitter. an avid quitter. I've quit so many times, I've lost count - my job that is. when it's something I'm passionate and excited about, I always see it through to the end - jobs however, I quit like samantha quits her boyfriends. and I don't stop there, I actively encourage others to quit their jobs as well. name your problem, and I'll tell you the solution - quit your job.

now understand, I wholeheartedly believe there are jobs worth keeping, it's just that there are so many jobs kept that should be abandoned like a rabid raccoon in the woods. and yet, people cling and complain away the days of their misery. people make up excuses for why they can't quit, none of which ever satisfy me.

call me crazy (because in this "sane" world, crazy is a compliment), but it seems to me that if you're not happy you should do what it takes to be happy. if your job makes you unhappy - quit. period. leave the puritans to their misery. create your own rules for existence. suffering is so last century. get your joy on. quit your job.

if you are reading this from a job you hate, perhaps this helpful and informational video by sara kaye (staring the masterful miss jamie masters and myself) will be the final push you need. enjoy.

a fine rejection

from	The Believer
to		bethany toews
date		Tue, Jun 10, 2008 at 10:33 AM
subject		Re: believer seeks magazine by same title to publish her poetry

Dear Bethany Toews,

Thank you for the opportunity to look over these poems. I think there is some fine work here, maybe especially “lizard tails,” but unfortunately I am unable to accept any. I wish you the best of luck placing them elsewhere.

All the best,
Dominic

--
Dominic Luxford
Poetry Editor
The Believer

On 5/28/08 7:43 PM, "bethany toews" <writebethanymore@gmail.com> wrote:

I'm scared. I'm scared that you'll be mad at me for not capitalizing the appropriate letters. it's not out of disrespect nor is it some outgrown punk-rock rebellion. I must confess, I am lazy. the time it takes to know what should and should not be capitalized is what kept me from writing for years until I finally realized that I could make my own rules (thanks largely in part to the mcsweeney's establishment where rules are beautifully broken on a regular basis). ever since that momentous moment, I have battled it out with microsoft, word throwing green squiggles under everything I write. I know, I say, but I just don't care. I care about a great many things - cloud shapes and pudding cups and echoing laughter and honest mistakes but proper capitalization of a famous president or an unknown town - I just can't be bothered. anyway, if you're not mad at me, please read my poetry. perhaps perhaps you will think it worth your while...

I posted this because I thought it was awesome. what was awesome was that it came exactly one day after a huge talk about rejection with my dear friend jamie. we are both writers, and creators in general, and we often find ourselves delving into all the complications of such endeavors.

rejection is obviously a big part of being an artist, that and free wine that gives you a narsty headache.

no one, not even van gogh or michael jackson or jesus christ, can win the hearts of everyone. most often you're lucky to get your mother's praise. if you create everything with the intention of pleasing everyone, you might want to consider a different path, one that involves cubicles and a lot of fluorescent lighting. being an artist involves more rejection, or at least indifference, than it does attention and love. but the point is that it doesn't feel like an option otherwise. so why not get over what everyone else thinks (you're crazy, you suck, you're unoriginal, you're not right for the part, publication, so on and so forth) and sign up for your own fan club prepared to be the only member. what I'm a fan of is seeing people believe in themselves, because whether or not someone else does, you're still out there doing it and that in itself, is a beautiful work of art. the world my friends, can never have too much art.

trying to tame a wild zebra

Death Valley Montage From The Heart from kayekilla on Vimeo.

that sara kaye, I tell you what, trying to keep up with her and all her doings is like trying to tame a wild zebra - not easy. and yet we are blessed with the world wide web and access to her montage magic. this video is of our spontaneous trip to death valley we took a few months back. good times. and now you too can be there with us. sit back, relax and enjoy sara's mad camera skills, my vocal stylings and purple mountain majesty.